Fake~Fear~Failure

"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose that good we oft might win by fearing to attempt." -Measure for Measure

William Shakespeare 

Every little fear holds you back from something. Whether a great fear or a small fear, it comes with a consequence, whether a great consequence or a small consequence...Its all there. I have a fear of spiders, like a huge fear, like giant fear, like start-screaming-and-crying-and-holding-my-head-while-rocking-back-and-forth type of huge fear, even of small spiders, its the same. Therefore I can't go into small dark closets, or corners where I have the small percentage of a chance of seeing a spider or maybe even, God forbid, having one crawl on my foot.
I have a fear of tasting new foods. What if I don't like it? What if I gag? What is in it, am I eating organs or something?? And it really holds me back. For years I ordered the same sandwich from SubWay only because I knew I liked it, it was a 6inch BLT toasted with cheddar cheese and Italian herbs and cheese bread, with lettuce tomato cucumber olives and pickles, no sauce. I made small variations once in a while, like not toasted, pepper jack cheese, and maybe just maybe some sweet onion sauce.
I ordered a totally different sandwich for the first time on November 28th...2012. I'm not OCD...I'd just let my fear of experimenting (at least with food) hold me back from a world of new and exciting flavors.
 I'm also claustrophobic in crowds. I clench my hands into fists and let me nails dig into my palm. My breathing quickens and I clench my jaw and try not to let anyone see the extra moisture forming over my eyes. People that know about it let me hold their hand, because they don't want me to freak out and ruin the rest of our time there :P Whether at a concert or an amusement park or a skating rink, it drains away a little of the fun.
Now the one fear that I wish the most I could totally eliminate from my daily life is the extreme fear of stages...I LOVE to sing and act, so last year I tried out for a musical and I got in, well my best friend Drew made me try out :P...I had two sentences that I was supposed to sing alone...two...and when I got home after my first music rehearsal, I cried because it scared me so, so bad. No matter what we were doing, the whole time I was shaking in my kicks, ready to make a speedy dash for the EXIT sign. I never did participate in the actually play. I'd got into trouble and moved in with my grandparents who lived an hour away so I had to be pulled out. I'd never been so relieved. I can't hardly even sing in front of people I know, like family and friends. What if I suck? Even worse, what if they tell me I suck?? It drains so much from you, the fear. I've missed out on so much because of it...
I have a trust issue...I have a hard time with trusting people, even people that I love. I have a hard time putting myself out there, yes even me, the girl who wears costumes on a regular basis and pretends to be autistic and wave at everyone I pass...But when it becomes personal, and I actually have to give a piece of myself for it, it scares the hell out of me...I'm not proud of it, never have been. And I've come to discover that if there's something in your life that your not proud of...it needs to go. This is a new year. This can be it...It can be the start for you too, what are your fears? What have they held you back from? Its time to stop imprisoning ourselves in our own fear...we all have so much potential...